Learning to be happy

I sat to the side, watching as my son prepared to hit the submit button on his college application. Suddenly, I reached out and placed my hand over his. “Stop!” I ordered, “Close your eyes and pray first.” I had been raised as a Hindu and growing up, my mother had observed all the sacred days with the appropriate rituals at home and I knew my father prayed each day as well. Once a year we visited the Hindu temple a few hours away. Despite this, as an adult I didn’t continue the tradition, and my children had never seen me actively engaging in the practice of my religion, so my request came as a surprise. Obligingly, my son  did as I asked.  I closed my eyes as well and silently recited a prayer to Ganesha, the remover of obstacles and to Saraswathi, goddess of learning.  At the back of my mind, I felt a little hypocritical knowing that the final outcome would depend less on my prayers and more on whether his credentials and experience met the university’s requirements for acceptance, and that in the end, whatever happened would not drastically change our lives one way or the other.

Earlier that evening, I had had a long discussion with the mother of a student about karma and the nature of happiness, and why it was that some people seemed to live a charmed life while others struggled through repeated challenges. She attributed it to living out their karma, and asserted that living a good life and doing good in the present was the only way to erase the sins of previous lives which had caused the problems they were experiencing. I objected to her statement, saying that it was unfair to punish someone at a later time for misdeeds in a past life they had no knowledge of and that even living a good life in the present did nothing to mitigate the pain of their suffering.

The conversation then centered around happiness. My student’s mother had not been very articulate in expressing herself but her conviction was clear. God had given all of us blessings and challenges, limitations and strengths. It was no use comparing myself  to others or being envious of their lives, because it only increased my level of unhappiness and left me unable to enjoy the blessings I had. As long as my mind was filled with envy and resentment and concentrated only on what was lacking, it would not have space for the positive energy that would attract additional blessings. Happiness lay in maximizing the potential of what I was given, according to my own abilities and talents.  It was a message I had heard repeatedly from many people, one I repeated to my own children, but found it difficult to follow myself.

The next morning I received a Whatsapp message from a relative in India containing a short excerpt about the definition of prayer. It wasn’t just about putting our hands together and expecting God to fulfill our wishes, but included thinking positive and wishing good for others. Prayer was not an action, but a feeling of gratitude for the blessings we have been given and an expression of thanks to those who might have helped us in attaining those blessings.

I won’t ever be able to compete in a marathon but I could still keep my body strong and healthy on a smaller scale with less intense exercise on a regular basis.  I didn’t have an Ivy League education but I still had a good education and could use it to help others who were struggling at school.  And if I did everything I could to go out and meet a variety of people and become more involved in the social life of the community, and believed that it would happen, it would increase the possibility that I would meet someone who was the right fit for me.  My life and happiness would not be dictated by the consequences of my past actions but by the pleasure I took in each day's gifts. I would work towards my goals, but in the meantime, I could find happiness in the small pleasures of being wrapped in the comforting warmth of a thick blanket as I indulged my sweet tooth with a slice of my favorite chocolate cake as I made plans to meet up with friends over the weekend.