The Beauty Ideal

 “A woman’s beautiful face attracts a flirter/A woman’s beautiful heart attracts a lover/A woman’s beautiful character attracts a man…”

This idea may be true in theory, but falls woefully short against the harsh truth of reality. A woman’s beauty should depend not on how others judge her, but whether she believes herself beautiful and has the confidence to go out into the world every day with pride in who she is and what she has to offer.Ovid’s Pygmalion is a story of a young man who constructs a statue out of ivory and falls in love with his own creation. He created a physical ideal that no real woman could live up to, an image that has been perpetuated ever since. Today, entire industries are devoted to the marketing of female physical beauty through clothing, makeup, and diet, all of which tell women that if we don’t conform to a certain standard of attractiveness, we are valued less, no matter how many other admirable qualities we have. 

At birth, all babies are beautiful, regardless of gender. Where do women get the idea that their self worth depends on their looks? As they grow up, girls are complimented for their “style” which includes their pleasing manners and how they present themselves, while boys are praised for their intelligence, assertiveness and ambition.  Much of a women’s sense of her own attractiveness comes first from her mother and then later from her female peers and from the amount of male attention she gets. It’s a doubled edged sword. A beautiful woman is threatening to other women, because she gets attention from the male population, whether she wants it or not. At the same time, she attracts the notice of other women, who hope to be the residual beneficiaries of some of that attention. A less attractive woman by contrast has to try harder to stand out and be accepted. Just look at Sandy, from “Grease.” On her own, she was a sweet, pretty, gentle girl. But until she underwent her dramatic transformation at the end of the musical, she was ignored for her plainness and shamed for her value system. It was the change in her outward appearance that gave her the confidence to be assertive, rather than confidence in her character.

A girl or woman who is interested in math or science or more intellectual pursuits finds herself isolated from the same female peers who function as her support system. When I was growing up, dinner table conversations were always about what happened in the world or at school, about ideas and self-edification, rather than self- beautification. It was no surprise then that I preferred to spend my time with my nose buried in a book rather than curling my hair or painting my nails or trying on make up. I never felt the need to experiment with the latest styles in fashion. Not having that particular experience of “female bonding” in my youth was a distinct disadvantage because it isolated me from my female peers. As I grew older, I had to learn how to put myself together on my own for interviews or other public events and I lacked the knowledge to do it well. 

Granted, what is considered beautiful varies from culture to culture. But most of us can generally agree on a set of common characteristics that generally define physical attractiveness:  a svelte but curvy figure with symmetrical proportions, a smooth complexion, light skin, not being too tall or too short, long hair and big eyes. Add the right kind of clothes and shoes and artfully applied cosmetics to enhance those physical features and voila, a modern Galatea! The tragedy is when women begin to believe that their looks are the only thing they have of value and the only way they can achieve success in the world.While we have come a long way in dispelling some of the myths about what is considered beautiful, it is an ongoing battle against new and more sophisticated techniques aimed at undermining the foundations of female identity.