The idea that love, which should be the bedrock of an intimate relationship between two people, is equated with a battle of supremacy, where the victor gets the spoils is not a new one. In 1579, English poet John Lyly first introduced the expression in his novel "Euphues: The Anatomy of Wit." It was modified to its present form in 1850 by Francis Edward Smedley in his novel "Frank Fairleigh." The battle of the sexes, to adopt a conventional construct, is not a new idea either. But the battle has escalated to a new-and to my mind, a disturbing level. There are a number of Youtube videos about the MGTOW movement, which argue that it is the women who have the advantage in the battle, due to several technological and ideological changes. Those who subscribe to the MGTOW school of thought won't find love, because the movement is based on the idea of relationships as a power struggle. An article on Medium.com claims that "Love is a terrible unveiling and an absence of power. This means it is inaccessible to those who can only think in instrumental terms." Proponents of MGTOW seem to believe they can still achieve their goal of finding happiness and satisfaction by not making even a token foray onto the field.
The benefits of a stable loving marriage or long term relationship are things that are impossible to put a monetary value on, like steady companionship, shared responsibility for the daily tasks of life, and emotional support, which creates a strong foundation on which to handle life's challenges. Yes, it is possible to live a happy, successful and fulfilled single life but it pales in comparison to life with a committed partner. While I sympathize with the anger and bitterness of men who make the decision to get married only to see it break down, I think that the reasons given by both men and women for not wanting to marry are rationalizations to avoid coming to terms with the fact that marriage is not a fairy tale but a binding social contract between two individuals and both sides must honor its terms for it to thrive. Needing an incentive to commit or the idea that one side inevitably gains at the expense of the other or that the obligations of the relationship come second to personal whims imply that it is nothing but a temporary business agreement that can be easily terminated if its terms are outdated or inconvenient.
It is the lack of commitment to the good of the relationship as a whole that is responsible for the combative nature of love. It becomes a selfish enterprise where each side becomes focused on personal benefit. Both partners need to have a shared vision and to continue to value the other partner in the relationship for it to work. But that requires looking through a different and more objective lens. Fairy tales rely on the superficial qualities of each partner to establish the relationship and imply that those qualities will be enough to hold it together over the long term. A compatible partner may not be aesthetically stunning, stylish, have overwhelming sexual dynamism or social cachet, but may have other qualities that are more vital to sustaining the relationship. If either partner has unrealistic expectations, the foundation is already weak.
Whether women have the greater power or men do is immaterial if that power is used not to build each other up, but to destroy and invalidate each other's worth. The current wave of feminism and the media have so completely tarnished men's images and diminished their worth that there is no advantage for men to pursue romantic relationships or permanent commitments with women, so they have given up in disgust and frustration. And their surrender is the greatest danger for the stability of society as a whole.
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